My Two Cents:
Perhaps it is because I still think like a biologist. Or, perhaps it’s being an agnostic/atheist. But I still don’t get why people avoid the discussion of death. I guarantee you none of us is getting out of here alive. Most people avoid discussing death like they do bowel movements or masturbation. But unlike those, your death will be very public and completely unavoidable.
I used to think that one of the selling points for religious faith was that it made death more palatable. But now I think it mostly gives us permission to repress our fears of death. Dana Milbank’s article illustrates that if we can discuss death openly, we can make peace with it and, thereby, improve our lives and our legacy.
Article Summary:
In another great article, Dana Milbank tell us about a group of seven women aged 78-89 in Virginia’s Rappahannock County meet monthly as the “RONettes” to discuss death, end-of-life planning, and aging. What began as participation in a local “Ready or Not” program—helping seniors draft advance directives and organize their affairs—evolved into a close-knit support group that has continued meeting for three years.
During their gatherings over potlucks, these widowed or elderly women candidly discuss topics most avoid: green burials, body donation, do-not-resuscitate orders, and even property values with backyard graves. Rather than being morbid, members describe the experience as life-affirming and fear-reducing.
Research supports their approach: planning for death reduces psychological distress and improves well-being by prompting reflection on life’s meaning and legacy. The women have written their own obituaries, completed “Five Wishes” advance directives, and openly discuss medical decisions, downsizing, and cognitive decline.
Their remarkable honesty extends to personal struggles—one member is moving to assisted living due to cognitive impairment, another worries about unfinished research, and several keep deceased relatives’ ashes in their bedrooms. Most eschew cremation for environmental reasons, preferring green burials or body donation.
The group’s demystification of death has brought unexpected peace. Members report that confronting mortality directly has eliminated nightmares, reduced anxiety, and helped them focus on enjoying their remaining time. By creating a safe space to discuss the undiscussable, these women have transformed their final years into a period of meaningful companionship and purposeful living.
Article Excerpt:
“It may sound macabre, and terribly depressing. But the women, all but two of whom have been widowed, say it has been just the opposite for them: a life-affirming exercise that has given new meaning to their final chapters. It seems that by demystifying death, by refusing to deny that their lives are near the end, they have freed themselves from some of the fear of dying. Instead, they are able to focus on “how we enjoy these last few trips around the sun,” as one of them put it. And it’s no surprise that those final years are more enjoyable if filled with companionship — in this case, a group of peers with 600 years of combined life experience.”